And then they started asking questions... Shows they care right? So its not that bad. Helping me keep my focus right. Some people talk too much though. Sigh... There's still something tugging at the back of my mind... Something I have to deal with. But I'm not ready...
Maybe thats why he doesn't want to take that next step. He's afraid he WON'T be able to get out of it. Cos everything else pales in comparison to the peace. So him and I are running away from the same thing actually. Maybe thats why I wake up so early every morning even though I'm quite tired...
I think I shall deal with it before the camp. I think the prayer is really starting to move things and people which is good! Praise God for that. Have to go buy food later in the afternoon. But I need to prepare worship for the megapraise worship so I shall stop here.
Mad day... Went to watch Master and Commander with Ezra, Damien and Elissa. Not too bad a show. Just quite an empty plot. The day went by quite aimlessly... Had dinner at pasta fresca. Haven't eaten there in ages! The food is still quite good...
I feel myself slipping. Actually... I know I am. Its always down to choice and I know I can choose not to... I haven't been spending enough time with God.
Bought 2 albums... Dashboard Confessionals and Blink 182's latest. Spent quite a lot already...
Yesterday's wedding dinner with my new haircut...
Went to church early to distribute the prayer bulletin for 1st service. The worship for the 1st service was good... But 2nd service was quite crappy. I felt that we were quite distracting as a band. Anyway, had youth camp meeting after church. I think I'm only just starting to do my job in getting people to pray... Had a good time of prayer with the committee... Jamming was cancelled so that freed me up to go for the busker's festival at marina square... Watched the New York Street Boys and Ash Circle (some pyro people). Their collaboration was very entertaining. Got a lift home from Elissa's mom.
Definition of Consecrate (adjective)
To make, or declare to be, sacred; to appropriate to sacred uses; to set apart, dedicate, or devote, to the service or worship of God; as, to consecrate a church; to give (one's self) unreservedly, as to the service of God.
Quite a good day... But what Shianni said to me got me thinking. Its a good thing. The issue is not whether she's right or not... Its whether I can do it or not...
You're already doing so much!
You've already changed so much!
You've aready learnt so much!
But do I want to stop there...? My mind automatically weighs the logical costs and losses if I were to do so... I know I won't NEED the things I should give up. Not an easy decision. Usually when things like these happen, it means God really wants your attention. A nudge to wake me up, so to speak. I must not fall behind... Class is almost over. This one year is almost up...
Its not easy... Need prayer. Need to think and talk to God. Its not as far as you think. Only a choice away...
Oh man, what a choice...
What a long day... Tiring but enjoyable nonetheless. Woke up early.. 8-ish cos Andy would pick me up from home to go to East Coast. Had a wild time at the beach playing soccer. Went for a jog with Andy and Nathan also while the rest of them went kayaking. Jogged even though i hadn't fully recovered from my overworked abs. I'm still not 100% fit. Still have a long way to go before I can be fit enough for my IPPT... Cheers to the both of them for all the encouragement.
We're drifting apart. Maybe it was coming all along. Maybe its just because of the circumstances. Maybe its because of different goals. I guess it was a long time coming. Or is it just me? Am I distancing myself? I don't know. Fact is, I feel left out... Maybe they are mutually exclusive. Either one or the other. Too bad I guess.
Finished up the prayer bulletin in church just now. Thanks to Raymond, Elissa, Rachelle and Ezra who helped with the suggestions, editing, printing and folding of the bulletins... Thank God for them. Couldn't have finished it without them.
It seems more real now that I think about it. More of a possiblity. More likely. But God has a wacky sense of humour. He keeps telling me... The more I want something, the more I have to let it go. My desire, His direction, His timing, His plan...
Its weird... I talk to people about God and I myself still try to grasp and understand Him.
Body aching right now. Overdid my gym session. I think the inclined sit-ups did the trick. My abs are so tight now that I can't stand straight. But I guess its true when they say, 'No pain, no gain'.
Have so many things to do during the weekend. I shall list them here so that I can get my head straight.
- Finish up prayer bulletin. Write an article and insert article from Ben. Print the bulletin by saturday.
- Inform musicians of practice dates for Youth Camp.
- Playing for Dale for prayer meeting tomorrow. Hafta confirm the songs with him.
- Practice with Raymond for Leaders' Retreat tomorrow. Playing guitar.
- Playing drums for Sunday service worship.
- Youth Camp Meeting after church on Sunday.
- Jamming on Sunday
::: Quote of the Day :::
If you screw up, I'll hold you responsible. Because you know what you have to do already.
I should go to sleep soon... Accompanying Andy to Rhema Bible College later. I can't wait!
Spent much of the day at home... Supposed to go to the gym but I didn't. So I went for a jog instead. Met up with Shen for supper... Talked about the band. We didn't get selected for D-Trash... Its a gig. I have a hunch that it isn't because of our standard. Just too bad I guess...
A work to do in prayer. There is so much to pray for... I must take the time to pray... I must be bothered! I cannot sit back anymore. Shall pray before I go to sleep... Goodnight.
::: Verse of the Day :::
A voice says, "Cry out."
And I said, "What shall I cry?"
"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.
The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the LORD blows on them. Surely the people are grass.
The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."
| Isaiah 40: 6-8 |
Good evening world... Went for my NS medical examination today. Wore a T-shirt, shorts and my spectacles... Haven't worn my spectacles out of the house in years... I think i look just weird. Hahaha... Everything went quite smoothly. Got assigned to Pes A, which means I'm a healthy young man who is going to be used and taken advantage of by the country...
My dad waited more than 3 hours for me in the carpark. So sweet. I love him... :P
Went for Leaders' meeting just now... Spoke out about how aimless I thought the meeting was. Andy had to 'translate' it into something milder for the older folk to understand. I think there's way too much talking and not enough action. But I'm just a little punk from the youth ministry. My words don't carry weight. Oh well...
Had a great time in church today... Good worship, good sermon, good lunch and good practice after church. People starting to ask questions on why i'm playing almost every other week. Because I can? Because I want to? Because its one of the few things that I'm actually have some potential in. And I want to use it to serve God... Hope people don't see it any other way... (eg. For pride or recognition)
Went to the town (Marina Square & Boat Quay) for the busker's festival... Got a life there in YongXi's truck... Now I know what the illegal foreign workers feel like... Not a very comfortable ride but it got us there... Had a generally enjoyable experience, but the best performances were at boat quay... 'DynaMike', 'Ettienne' and a percussion group called 'The New York Street Boys'... Really put a smile on my face... Was initially disturbed because Eileen and her boyfriend stopped by at Marina Square. I wrote the following after she left...
Tiring but I feel slightly better now... Felt like curling up and lying down. For 10 minutes after she left, I felt breathless and disgusted... Thoughts like, 'she looks better with him' and 'maybe they are more suitable for each other physically.' came to mind...
Yucks... I just wish that I never knew her. Then it wouldn't be so difficult. Its the association with her, the thought that, 'she used to be mine' which drives me crazy. It really disgusts me, sort of like seeing someone purposely cut themseves or harm themselves. Its just not natural... but after a certain point of time, you cannot help but not care anymore.... I think I'm getting there. There's only so much I can do...
I shall stop soon...
I'm home... Just a quick entry cos I want to watch Wales vs. Russia on TV... The gig went alright... I felt like a lao jiao at that gig. Cos there were a lot of newbie bands there... I've got the registration forms and we are most probably joining for next months gig. I just realised that the band I helped out was quite big... We were representing the Aljunied Community Centre and Town Council as their 'house band'. Got quite a few compliments from the audience... People I didn't know. What an ego-boost...
Remember your priority and your focus.
Enjoyed myself at East Coast this morning... Blading was super tiring. I think its cos I've not bladed for more than a year? My calf muscles were burning after only 15 minutes of blading... Almost died... hahaha... But managed to get through that torturous one hour. Played captain's ball with the rest of them. Lost the game 5-4... then received an sms from michael at 1:15pm that the practice was at 1:30pm.. So I took a cab down to kaki bukit road... Reached at 2pm.. and only one person was there... ROAR!! Waited till 3-ish before everyone arrived... They're a fun bunch to hang out with.. Love the free beer! Hahaha.
Good morning world... Woke up early today to go to East Coast Park.. Weird thing is, thats where we were last night... Went there after House of Healing. There's a new band at BFD. They're really good... They sound fuller than the previous band that played there. Had a beer and went for a walk down the park... Had a good time singing nonsense pop songs... We walked to this pier thingy. Had an unrestricted view of the sky when you walked out to the sea. It was beautiful... Just made me feel like singing praises to God. So thats what we did... And He was really close.
The rabbit hole runs deep. As much I would like to avoid getting involved with the politics, its always better knowing more about people from certain views. Of course you don't base your judgement on one person's opinion. Cos that wouldn't be fair. But things like these help paint a more accurate picture of what a person truly is.
Some things are better left mentioned only in prayer...
::: Lyric of the Day :::
I was born in Omaha
Born to steal her skeptic heart
My piano fingers, tugging at the chord
Cause life in a bubble can be
The sweetest thing sometimes
With the world just passing by
Outside your window
Dream over...
Dream over...
Dream over...
Thinking day...
Its none of my business. I don't know whether either of them are telling the truth so I cannot make any judgements about them. I don't even feel like praying for them. I want to be selfish... But I cannot. Gotta go read my 21 powerful minutes now.
The verses below are some strong stuff. In short, the gap is caused by us walking away from Him... Not by Him turning away from us.
::: Verses of the Day :::
CAUSE
Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear.
But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.
For your hands are stained with blood, your fingers with guilt. Your lips have spoken lies, and your tongue mutters wicked things.
EFFECT
So justice is far from us, and righteousness does not reach us. We look for light, but all is darkness; for brightness, but we walk in deep shadows.
Like the blind we grope along the wall, feeling our way like men without eyes. At midday we stumble as if it were twilight; among the strong, we are like the dead.
| Isaiah 59:1-3 & 9-10 |
Ouch... I have this huge gash on my shoulder now. I was looking for the book '21 important minutes in a leaders day'. I was looking in my dad's bookshelf and I spotted it at the top shelf. So i brought the chair over and stood on it to get the book. As I was going up, my shoulder connected with the edge of the glass door of the bookshelf... hard. The cut was the thickness of the glass. The flesh split open... Thank God its not as painful as it looks... Mom prayed for me after I got the book down. Think she was 'hurting' more than me... :P
I just peeled off the plaster... The adhesive was on the wound. My bro just helped me change the dressing to a bigger one... He says the wound is very big. Suggested that I go see a doctor to stitch it up. Don't feel like going... Not very keen about stitches. I think I'll be fine. Praying that the wound closes...
Spent the day painting another banner with Andy and Elissa... Cos the previous one was ruined by the rain on Sunday. Going to do the second coat tomorrow. Hope it turns out well.
Went for practice with the band i'm sessioning for. It went pretty well I guess. The songs are quite simple so the main thing I have to work on is consistency. The people are quite funny... They're like how I think some of my friends will be 10 years down. Had a few beers at the kopitiam nearby after the practice. Discovered that Michael is part of some committee for youth activities... This opens a big lobang for organising future gigs... Haha. Anyway, the gig is this saturday evening at 7pm... It will be held opposite Paya Lebar Methodist Girls School at some park. We'll be having last minute practice on the day itself. Opening band somemore.. Haha!!!
Haven't stayed home for quite a while already. So logically I haven't managed to update either... I found out that there are actually people who read my blog... Its never stopped me from writing from the heart so I don't think it'll affect me.
So anyway, Sunday was a strange day... Reverend Patsy Carmeneti spoke again. As usual, she spoke with so much compassion... Really feel God's love radiating from her...
I quote... "the look in her eyes was so compassionate. once she looked at me i started crying"
Why is that so? Because she understands? Or because of the love she shows? I think when we meet Christ, there will be no dry eyes... He's holiness will ensure that... Feelings of unworthiness + Feelings of being loved = tears.
Worship was alright I guess... Need to start recording practice sessions cos I'm starting to forget breaks and sequences. Kah Lok advised me after the service to get heavier sticks cos he couldn't hear my snare. I think I'll just do more push ups... Haha.
Yesterday I was asked my michael from my brother's cell to session for some band on saturday. Some charity thing going on... The thing is the songs are a bit.. erm... OLD. But shouldn't be a problem. Just hope the band isn't like those I've seen at SMU or the Street Fest along Orchard Road. Practice will be tomorrow evening at Wee Lee Aljunied... Haven't been there awhile though.
Watched Matrix Revolutions yesterday with Shaoxiong, Joshua, Nathan, Patricia, Gloria and Florence... I found it very interesting but kinda spoilt by Shaoxiong who kept giggling at certain parts of the show. I wanna watch Reloaded and Revolutions again so that I can understand it better. I think I'll download it... heheheh
Today... was a weird day. Saw Eileen at TP... Strange that we should bump into her... Anyway, it was her last day of exams today. She's been asking me to pray for her. So she must be relieved that her exams are over. Anyway, Andy and I were there to meet up with Nathan. Had lunch together and then did quiet time as Andy talked with Nathan. Asked God what He wanted me to do for this phase... now that I'm somewhat over the breakup.
Had a weird dream last night... Had this guy's neck in a arm lock. Almost strangling him. I think I caught him doing something wrong. Feel like poking someone to death now.
Advice... We choose who to take it from. Right? But you know whats sick? When we know someone who has the most sensible advice and we avoid that person totally. Ignorance is bliss? Then why do you still come running when your world is falling apart? Why do you come running when things fall to pieces? Cos thats what He did for me. Just like the way I ran to Him when I had exhausted all other possibilities. And do I keep listening? This requires selflessness... Something that I haven't gotten rid of yet.
::: Verse of the Day :::
Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of the wicked, for the evil man has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.
| Proverbs 24:19-20 |
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The moon shy behind clouds
Shining on this poor fool
Walking along the cracked pavement
Similar to the way you walked over my cracked heart
These symbols prove nothing
only that you reign over me.
This black and white won't last forever
Give me back my vision in colour
Scream into the deaf ears of a lover
But you don't hear me, do you?
You don't hear me...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Awakening released the band list for Stasis 6... We're not in. Disappointed at the way this was handled... We weren't informed that we wouldn't be in. Nevermind...
Been helping Elissa with her publicity stuff for Youth Camp... Buying paint yesterday and painting the banner today. Must remember to do my own worship stuff... Have to organise the people into groups. I should be able to do it by friday...
Went back to school for the SIP debrief and FYP briefing... The groupings will be out soon... I hope I don't get too lousy a group. Other than that, I should be able to enjoy the rest my 'holidays' till school starts...
I'm feeling something really strange... Satisfied and yet longing for something more. I can't put my finger on it...
Today was one of those days where you could be comfortable with yourself. Really thank God for that....
Drummed for service and then again for practice for next week...
High in demand?
Its nothing to be proud of.
Serving God in the few ways I know how to.
Have to start the prayer wave. Got reminded by Shianni of my 'purpose'. Reminded of the excitement of seeing God work. Have some questions to answer too...
Its coming! You can feel it in your gut.
Friday and saturday were extremely long days. Hung out with Andy before meeting Nathan, Joel & Elissa to watch Ong Bak... The movie about Muay Thai or Thai Boxing. Quite a good show. After that we went to eat Chiang Mai Laksa at Meridian Hotel's food court. Then we went to the arcade. Played Time Crisis 2... My favourite arcade game. Completed it on one credit again. Played Daytona and then this flight simulator thing. Flying an airplane is a piece of cake!!! Also played this sniper game. Andy and Joel left halfway so Nathan, Elissa & I wandered along Orchard road before deciding to sit at Starbucks at Paragon... Started talking about lots of crap. Relationships and things like that. Went to Simpang with Nathan to meet up with the kem gang... Only got home around 2-ish...
Played soccer on saturday afternoon. 3 a side with Matt, Song, Nathan, Thomson, Melvin and myself. Its been quite a while since I've played soccer. Really felt unfit. But still very fun! CG was quite good... Led worship. Just came home from supper... Got called a piece of shit.
Advice seems easier to give than to carry out. But I want to make sure that I only talk about things that I can do. Gotta go sleep soon.. Playing for service...
The Visits
